Be an underdrinker. It looks good on you.
date: Sun, Dec 1, 2019 at 9:03 AM
subject: it’s not you, it’s me…
Alcohol, you’ve been around most of my young adult life and I’m not sure how I feel about that.
You’ve got to admit that you came on a little strong, but with a little time and exploration we eventually found some common ground between craft beer and the occasional spirit.
While I am a fan of your fermentations, I can’t say I always like the person I become when we’re together. Under your influence, I’ve been an embarrassing dancer, obnoxious photobomber and have had very questionable judgement. At the time I felt like a rock star; in hindsight, I was nothing but a hot mess. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had some stellar moments too. Like that ‘80s night where I re-enacted flash dance moments and laughed until my face matched my eyeshadow. It’s these memories that I appreciate and I’m glad we can share the good times without losing it in the process.
Is this starting to sound like a break-up? It’s not. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I’m writing to forge a better relationship with you. I’d like to minimize the social blunders and turn up the class I bring with each glass.
I want to introduce a new wave of drinking etiquette: under-drinking. It’s not not drinking, but it’s also not overdrinking…Pickin’ up what I’m throwing down?
If this were a real breakup this is the point where someone would say “It’s not you, it’s me.” But you know what? It is me.
It’s on me to say no thanks and to understand the difference between too much and just enough.
Good chat, Alcohol.
I’ll see you around.
How does the modern underdrinker succeed in our alcohol-fixated social landscape? With poise and confidence. After all, drinking is a personal choice.
To turn down a drink with poise:
Stand up tall and be relaxed
Make eye contact
Perhaps you could say…
No thank you. (a classic)
I’m good thanks, but I’m sure someone else will appreciate it.
I’m fine right now, I may take you up on it in a little bit.
I’m fine thank you, I have an early flight to Switzerland tomorrow.
No thank you, I’m driving but I will take you up on some water.
I’m good. I got a shark bite while diving in the Cayman Islands last weekend, so I’m on antibiotics.
Safer Drinking Tips
If zero is your limit, respect it and pour on the mocktails.